8.4 Revised Introduction

After reading the corrections suggested by my fellow students, I attempted to revise my introduction by avoiding wordiness. I also hope that my revised introduction has more clarity than my original introduction.

Original Introduction:

Within all fields of work, there are multiple debates that professionals discuss that are important in their own field of study. In the field of criminal justice, discrimination from the criminal justice system is talked about a great deal. Cassia Spohn’s article “Race, Crime, and Punishment in the Twentieth and Twenty-First Centuries” published by Crime and Justice claims that minorities are improperly treated by the criminal justice system and that a possible solution would be to abolish the death penalty. Within the article, the author presents multiple arguments and reasons about discrimination from the criminal justice system against minorities. Spohn’s reasoning is enforced by different rhetorical strategies such as credibility, emotion, and logic. work and a clearer and better defined thesis statement and avoid wordiness when doing so.

Revised Introduction:

Many professionals have displayed how our criminal justice system can be unjust. Cassia Spohn agrees with most professionals as she writes "Race, Crime, and Punishment in the Twentieth and Twenty-First Centuries” published by Crime and Justice. In her article, Spohn describes how the criminal justice system discriminates against minorities. Her audience is aimed towards readers who are aware of the controversy, and have an interest in the field of study. By using different rhetorical strategies, she is able to create an article that clearly states her argument and solution to the problem.